sometimes i wish i could wake up and not do quiet time
because i think it no longer means anything to me
i'm not upset with God, or so I think I'm not
the world just seems more attractive to me at the moment
so many things to distract me
yet i must discipline my mind and stay on the right path
dont you ever wonder what u miss out? i do, i do.
i'm feeling so down. ever had the feeling you have a thousand f words ringing in your mind
but you hold yourself back from saying it because it's just so unchristian like
so hurting to God, so unbecoming of a growing (or for me, a stunted-growthed) christian
i really wish i dont have to feel bad about not spending time with God
just watch a bit more tv, a bit more cnn, a bit more sleep
a bit more baking, a bit more of life that i enjoy, where in my time can i slot God in?
no, that's not what i should do.

after all this rambling and utter honestly,
i have to admit

i'm in tears.

remorse? regret? should have thought before i typed this?
proverbs says a fool speaks before he thinks. all over in proverbs it says it.
so yes, i'm a fool.

i'm in tears.

i'm crying i'm sad i'm devastated
i can never wear contacts again. how far can i trust God to heal my eyes completely?
the faith journey, though exciting, can be tiring. from dejection, i have to learn to pick myself up
and ho-hey-ho, i can trust God for all things
indeed i can i can
but for now

i must be honest. for i'm a vain ass who feels like digging her eyes out in anger.
glasses for life.

fuck.